Thursday, February 21, 2008

Becoming a mommy...

My heart has been so full today, just busting with love for my son. I know I have said this before, but the longer he is home, the more I think, "Okay, THIS is good now". It really does take time to settle in and adjust. Our experience with Charlie has been much better than we ever could have hoped for, but I truly feel that now things are normalizing. He is becoming much more affectionate on his own, less distracted by toys, better with other children, and finally seems to cling to me a little when in public. I don't shake inside every time I have to discipline him for fear of ruining our bonding. I don't think I panic as much on adoption issues vs. toddler issues...anything we are going through are "our" issues and we deal with them as a family.
All this leads to me, settling in to my role as mom. I am finally shedding the awkwardness of feeling like everyone is watching, waiting for me to screw it up. I know what he likes to eat for snacks, his favorite toys, juice, movies, and what all his funny faces mean. I know how to make him laugh the loudest. In turn, he is learning more about me, kissing my head when I say I have a headache, defending me if he thinks someone is hurting me or taking something of mine, giving hugs and kisses on his own. It's more amazing than I ever imagined, even after we were just home. I truly did not understand the impact that 6 months together would have. Charlie has been with us longer than he was at the Care Center. He knows this house inside and out. He remembers EVERYTHING we say, and he is always listening. He will ask me questions about a conversation I had with Adam or a friend that amaze me. And while I am bragging, let me move on to...the music.
I think we have a prodigy situation. Several weeks ago, we were in the car and Sweet Home Alabama came on. CF immediately calls out, "Patty Poo phone!" (That's my mom, and that IS her ringtone). I was so impressed! A couple of weeks later, we were watching his video lifebook. The intro has a greeting to CF and in the background is an instrumental piece of music. Charlie hears it and cries "Nemo!". I listened, and boy, it does sound like the score from Nemo. We pop it in, and I am no expert, but it is amazingly similar, if not the very same piece. After that, in the car again. Not five notes into a Green Day song, he shouts "CooKooLoo Movie!" (Surf's Up...yeah we are a movie family). Sure enough, there is a scene with that song in it. THEN Adam was singing a song from Shrek, and he got it too. He can also recognize some They Might Be Giants songs. Okay, this either proves that we let him watch way too many movies, or the kid is friggin amazing. I prefer the latter.
Earlier this week, Adam was wrestling around with Charlie and taught him the magic word to freeing himself from Daddy's clutches. Open Sesame. Well, Charlie took the magic and ran with it. Now he uses "Sesame" for everything. Example: As I type this, Charlie is dozing off in his crib in the next room. Ten minutes ago, however, he was calling, "Come 'ere, Mommy Sesame"....Of course, the magic worked on me, and I went in for one more good night kiss.
I am just. in. love.
Anyone who is having a hard time getting here, please take heart. It will happen, it will get easier, and the love will almost knock you over. Our amazing journey is living it's own happy ending, and so will yours.

13 comments:

Lindsey said...

Very...very...very...nice blog. I truly enjoyed it.

Stacy said...

oh gosh, i loved this post! and he IS SO TOTALLY a prodigy. Isn't that amazing when they are listening and processing even when it's just background stuff??? wowswers!

Christina said...

Thank you.

Laura said...

Heather, there are so many who will read this and gain strength and hope. This was beautiful both because it is true for your family and for other families.

It is amazing to hear your discoveries as a mother.

I think Charlie and Max are the 21st Century version of John and Paul :)

Gypsy said...

I think we should start a band, forget Hanson, we can start our crew before Jr. High. I LOVE your blog, you have a gift for putting pure emotion into words. I'm so glad that you have found the love that only having a child can give you. LOVES!!!!

Anonymous said...

Heather,

You have said so perfectly exactly what I have been thinking about my own family. Isn't it awesome!

Jessica

cathy said...

you were a great mommy from the get-go. no question!!! i'm just glad you're starting to relax in the process and get caught up in the love. prince charles will be tearing down the walls at harvard in 17 years.

Handlyrics said...

Great story. I love to see what I have to look forward to.

Julie said...

Sweet, sweet thoughts- Thank you.

Jess Addison said...

I love this post! And I love how life just gets better and better by the day. I'm so glad to be a part of yours. I love you!!!

Sarah :) said...

What a beautiful post, Heather! I feel the same way about my kids...the love almost knocks you over. I like that.

As you were talking about the music, it reminded me of our oldest when he was about CF's age. We own a lot of the Baby Einstein movies, and his first and favorite was Baby Van Gogh, which teaches colors using Van Gogh's art. We went to a friend's house and stayed the night, and in the room where we were sleeping was one of the paintings. DS looks up, points to it, and says, "That's Van Gogh!" It was hilarious and made me feel like I had a genius on my hands for sure! :)

Anonymous said...

Wow! You gave me chills! I remember having these same thoughts and feelings. If you think about it, Olivia and I were in the same boat when she was little. I fell in love with her in just the same way, while I fell in love with Justin. You are Charlie's one and only mommy and you always will be. I can tell he feels your love. Even if you never said it again, he will always know. And his ears are truly amazing (I guess an amazing brain would have to be involved too)! It's very uncommon for a child his age to be so conscious of music around him. Does he have any instruments? I'm so glad you take pictures. Time will pass and he will grow so very, very fast. I'm sooooo happy for you! Your house is gorgeous, by the way!

Love,

Melissa

Anonymous said...

Heather, i think I have said before that my Nahom and your Charlie have very similar personalities. Nahom is very much a music man, can pick a song out when noone else can. Your blog does very much capture what it feels like to just fall in love with our little guys. One day it's almost like... man WHEN did I fall THIS much in love with such an amazing child and how did I get so lucky??!!
Thank you for sharing.
You are an excellent photog by the way!!!
Andrea (CHSFS)