Monday, April 27, 2009

'cause ya gotta have faith...

Okay, I'm ending my blog hiatus (hopefully, this time) with a bang...I have been wanting to write about this for a while now, and the time has come. I haven't managed to offend anyone since the election, and well, I guess I'm due.
Okay, I take that back. I'm not literally out to piss anyone off or be disrespectful...just want to voice my opinion, concerns, and questions.

Actually what I want to express here is that what I feel toward religion in general isn't contempt, it's more like...I feel left out of this club. I see people who have so much faith in what they believe in, and I'm thinking, "Well, why can't I have that?" And it's not that I don't WANT it, I just cannot make myself get it. I don't TRULY believe everything in the Bible...I don't TRULY know in my heart that there is one way to heaven, or that there even is one. And I can't fake it, either. I know that the meaning of the word "faith" has a lot to do with not having proof, and believing something anyway...but I'm just not there. It leaves me feeling like my soul lost out on some trait that allows me to believe without question. I see people quote scripture, and offer prayer, and I feel a little guilty when I smile and nod, all the while thinking, how come you have it?? Where's my big sign?
I have, in the last few years, started to sweat this whole thing a little less. I do believe in God, a God of some sort, and I really can't imagine the big guy/gal condemning folks who really did mean well to eternal fiery torture. Isn't that just...mean? And contrary to some people's beliefs, I DO pray. I pray all the time, and not just "O,God-I-am-about-to-run-this-red-light-please-don't let-me-die-right-now!" I have had some pretty spiritual moments where I felt such calm, and such a real presence with me (the most notable one happened to me in Paris) so I do not consider myself to be some heathen with no connection to the greater powers. I just cannot pretend to know what those may be. I HOPE there is more after this amazing life I am living...I hope to see my family members again...I hope to feel embraced by warmth and love and to never doubt anything again...But hope and faith are not the same. I know that many of you who do go to church and have that faith are probably shaking your heads, thinking about the many sermons you have heard about people who are saying the same thing as me..."If I am a good person, then SURELY, I will get in the gates, right??" And I know that Christians do not believe that is enough. But for now, it's all I got. I get uneasy when I hear that all gays are doomed, or that liberals are never really Christians...why not? So while I do not agree with many aspects of that major religion, I do admire faith in any form. I admire people who have that...thing. There is something beautiful about taking that leap. I hope one day I can. For now, I look at all religions as different paths to the same outcome. I think it's exciting that we can (or should be able to, as human beings) choose our own paths. And I don't like to think that heaven is won by being lucky enough to choose the right one.
So, in closing, I will say that if you do indeed, have the faith, I don't really want advice on how to get it. That sounds rough, but I have had many people try to help me out with this, all my questions and doubts, and I just think it's going to happen on it's own...or it won't. I do have moments of panic...Oh, shit, what if I DO die tomorrow and as it all slips away, I think...'all I had to do was accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Saviour, and I couldn't even do THAT? Come ON! I do, I do!' The closest I have gotten to having religion click with me was reading the book Eat, Pray, Love. Elizabeth's journey to God through meditation and prayer was amazing, and if only I could spend three months in an ashram in India, I bet I could do it to.
There I go again, ever the cynic...what's wrong with me??

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

CF talks...

These have been all over, and I'm late to the game, but here's Chuck's interview!

1. What is something mom always says to you?
"don't do it"

2. What makes mom happy?
"clean up"
(Dang, I'm mean).

3. What makes mom sad?
"sit on Mallory"

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
"poopoo on Mallory's head!"
(Never happened, but he thought it was a funny thing to say...ew).

5. What was your mom like as a child?
"tickle her belly"

6. How old is your mom?
"I dunno"

7. What is your favorite song?
"liiiike, Bob Marley"

8. What is mommy’s favorite thing to do?
"playin' out in the yard"

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"work downstairs with the 'lil puter and I always cry"

10. What is your favorite movie?
"Surf's Up and Ghostbusters"

11. What is your mommy's name?

12. What is your mom not very good at?
"I dunno, Mom"

13. What does your mom do for her job?
"get some money"
(if only it were that easy)

14. What is your mom's favorite food?
"peanut butta"
(I hate peanut butter and I never eat it. haha)

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
"pushin' me on the big boy swings"

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

17. What do you and your mom do together?
"pway outside, Mom"

18. How are you and your mom the same?
(At this point, I lost him to a game of 'scatter the pillows all over the living room').

19. How are you and your mom different?
"Mom, you already said that"

20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"hug, just hug."

21. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
"to work"


Oh, and so you know he's NOT a baby anymore:

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Alright, Already.

This is why I could never be one of those awesome bloggers who make the big bucks with advertising. Well, one reason...I have no discipline! I have plenty to blog, but not the mojo to do it. I can still stare blankly at Facebook for hours, and update my status every 20 minutes. Ah, well. I'm here now, kiddies. It's all gonna be okay.
I know the main thing your itching to see are Twilight party pictures. What a night.
Apryl worked her tush off on the decor. And other than red candle wax bleeding down my mantle onto the pillows, it was beautiful! (It looks like someone was murdered in my living room!Haha.) We had bloody butter popcorn, Bella's mushroom ravioli, Bloody Marys, punch, and vampire bitten cupcakes, courtesy of my sister, the cupcake queen.
Th stress was on just before people started arriving, so I WILL admit to hitting that red punch (not kool-aid) right at 7. Soooo, by the time the movie started, some of us ended up a little too giggly for the show and partied on the porch. WITH the soundtrack playing, so we weren't too out of the loop. It was an awesomely fun night.
Yes, Twilight shirts WERE passed around my the girls, in the most appropriate manner!

THAT....was fun.

Two days later, we partied on for Charlie's THIRD birthday. He has requested a Ghostbusters party for months now. You can't really find that stuff these days, so the decor and shirts were handmade with love by Adam and I. We tried to use a lot of green, a la Slimer. It was a hit. We even made a "Slime the Ghostbusters" game. It was chilly (that makes TWO years in row) but the kids were able to play in the yard, kind of a kiddie afterparty. :)

What else? There's plenty going on, but I think I may have already reached my quota for the year o the "Life-is-hard-I-am-overwhelmed-what-the-hell-am-I-doing-here???" posts. It helps tremendously though, when I do have to post those, and read the amazing responses. We really aren't alone. It's amazing. Thank you for that.

How about a few more pics? Amber took some great ones of the kids one day while I was working...Gotta love that girl, she can do it all.

The kids are doing well. Mallory is turning into a bit of a mama's girl, which is sweet, until I want to put her down for any reason. Her first tooth finally came through on the bottom, so I'm sure that is part of it. She is still a great sleeper, so I am not complaining. Charlie is still crazy, still stubborn, and still awesome, as he will tell you upon meeting him.

Speaking of kids...looks like there is a puddle of ice cream with my name on it.
More soon!