After thinking and thinking about it, I finally decided to announce (for real this time) that we are expecting Baby Beauchamp #2! AHHHHHHHH!!!! I have taken 4 tests, and all of them were positive. I have been feeling SO awful for the past couple of weeks. Finally, I concluded that I either had some unknown awful disease OR.... 4 positive tests later, we have a doc appointment on Monday for our first ultrasound. PHEW! I really really did not expect this, and so I am still in a bit of shock. This only happened yesterday, and I realize it is very soon to be telling the news, but if you know me well, you know I suck at keeping secrets. And anyway, this is my blog for my updates...and this is one hell of an update!
Now time for some blunt honesty. Today in the midst of sharing our happy news with a very good friend, I realized what the nagging in the back of my head has been for the past few days. Is it guilt? Not exactly, but it is something like it. Maybe it comes from the amount of time I KNOW we are going to hear this phrase:
"Ohhhhh, you JUST adopted and NOW you are pregnant! Well, that's the way it goes!"
Or something to that effect. I REALIZE that most people do not say this in a mean or insulting way. But when I think of what that implies of my sweet Charlie, it really upsets me. Imagine if he could understand what they were saying. I think it translates something like this:
"Ohhhhh, look you already went and got that little boy, and now you get to have your OWN baby like you wanted!"
Now, I am in no way trying to take away from the excitement of what is going on. I am grateful for this pregnancy just like I am grateful for our adoption process. Neither is or ever will be more important that the other. I am sure I will be a better mother for both. I think the shakiness I feel inside is my own fear of people assuming that only now will I feel like a mother. I really hope my friends and family are not reading this thinking, "Wow, defensive, much?". I know everyone in our lives ADORES Charlie. It does seem like a bummer to announce such happy news with all these "buts". Part of me just wanted to type up an excited "WOOOOHOOOOO" post, but I did feel the need to put this out there first. Today has been an emotional day for me (pesky hormones). Prepare to read something really silly: There was even a moment when I wondered if my friends I have met and bonded with through adoption were going to, you know...oh, I can't even type it.
So, maybe I should have gone with the short and sweet announcement post. Maybe by defending my family I am implying that there is indeed, something to defend. I hope not. There are many ways to build a family, we all know that. Our first came to us through the miracle of adoption, or second will come by the miracle of birth. (Oh, sweet Jesus, I have to BIRTH something!!!!!) Our third...Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. So, here we go, from a family of 3 to a family of 4 in less than a year. You won't want to miss this. I sure don't.